What Goes Around Comes Around

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Before I tell you what happened in my home yesterday I need you guys to make me a promise….you can never tell my sweet little redhead that I’m telling you this. Okay, so your promise? Good.  Cause remember when you were growing up and your friend told you a secret and you promised to not tell anyone, but you told your bestfriend because that obviously doesn’t count? Well, you my friend are the bestfriend that doesn’t count.

My sweet little girl always surprises me with what comes out of her mouth.  When she was 3 she asked me if there was a “Yes Vember.”  Huh? A Yes Vember?   She replied with “yea, you know there’s a NOvember…so is there a YESvember?”

Or the other day when she told me that when you say a word again and again it stops sounding like a real word. For example, “toilet, toilet, toilet, toilet, toilet….”  She’s right!

Well yesterday she came strolling in from school and started on her homework. I was laying on the couch feeding baby boy, minding my own business. That’s when it happened. She oh so innocently came up to me and in all sincerity asked…

“Mom, were you born in the olden days?”

“What?! NO!”

“Are you serious? I’m 27, I was hardly born that long ago.”

She replied with “Oh mom, please don’t ever tell anyone I asked that, please…really mom, don’t put it on facebook.”

I laughed and told her that her Grandma was born in the olden days HAHAHA!!

You know in all honesty I should’ve expected this to happen. You see, many (well not THAT many) years ago I was sitting at my grandparents’ house. I remember it vividly….I was in the kitchen at the “old” house, Grandma was making me my eggs while she drank her soda and had her cigarette (only my grandma could make that look classy).  My Grandma had dentures and mom said it was because she ate too much sugar, and if I ate too much sugar I would lose my teeth too….pretty smooth mom.  But what I knew to be true of at least some of her missing teeth was that she was in a car accident when she was younger and her teeth were knocked out. The possibility of this truly confused me though, it just seemed to be an impossible story, so I had to ask.

“Grandma, how did you lose your teeth in a car accident if you only had horses to ride?”

Yep, What Goes Around…..

Comes Around….

Pinterest Fail

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So with school back in session and me being at home, it has really hit me that I’m not a teacher anymore. Which means we have jumped from two incomes to one.  We looked at our budget the other day and realized that we eat out….A LOT. And when I say a lot I mean we could nearly make a second mortgage with what we spend on groceries and restaurants. EEK!  I decided it was time that I get down to business on this homemaking-budget-slimdown.  Unfortunately just “pinning” on Pinterest doesn’t really count for being a good housewife….turns out you have to DO the pins.

Well Miss Suzy-homemaker right here actually sat down and made my very first weekly meal plan AND bought the necessary grocery items to bring them to life. Woot, woot!  (p.s. I am SO not a good cook, I mean like I’m reaalllyyy bad!)  This on its own should definitely earn me a gold star!

 If anyone would like to send me my very own gold star please email me for my home address, thank ya much!

But wait, it gets better. I MADE LASAGNA!!  And I only filled the kitchen with smoke 3 times before it was finished. Note to self: lasagna will spill over the edges and burn to a crisp at the bottom of the oven if you don’t put foil down.

The lasagna looks decent enough and I hope it tastes at least a little like lasagna because my father in law will be stuck choking it down here in about an hour.

So you all surely remember that I’m the chubby one…  Well then you also know I live for sweets.  I started browsing through Pinterest and saw this super easy recipe for some “healthy” peanut butter cookies.  I actually had the required ingredients and decided to make them.

I dolloped about 8 scoops of peanut butter goop onto the pan. I set the timer for 8 minutes and decided to check them at that point.  Sadly, this is what I found.

And more smoke is what I smelled.

How could this happen?????  I decided to try it again and take pictures for a better reference.

Again I plopped them onto a pan.

And again they grew into the biggest, flattest cookies ever.

I swear to you I followed the directions to the tee. They are pretty stinking easy. It would be difficult, one would assume, to mess them up.

It says they are only 36 calories per cookie.  Which is believable and may very well be true considering they are flat as a board.

So I have come to the conclusion that while the cookies below look delicious, they failed to post the recipe to make them.

Pinterest fail.

Wait, What?! pt.2

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Do you ever have those moments where you do something really stupid and you honest to goodness have NO legitimate excuse for doing it? No? Oh, me either. That’s because I can ALWAYS come up with a perfectly perfect excuse!  Like when I attempted to open the elevator door with my car keys, you can read about that here.

I like to call these my “Wait, what?!” moments.  I am no expert, but I believe I had another one of those lovely moments this past Sunday when I was involved in a hit and run  shameful roll. WHAT?! Cheri was the victim of a horrific crime?! YES, YES I WAS! I know, everyone should feel super bad for me. I know you’re asking yourself “Who in their right mind committed this violent offense?” Well, now would be the appropriate time to tuck your emotions back into your pocket and stop feeling sorry for poor little me. “Why?”  you may ask. “Probably because she is so brave and such a fighter…” you may assume.  However, you would be wrong in that assumption. The ugly truth is I was both the perpetrator and victim. (head hangs in shame…but then tilts slightly upward in pure curiosity)

So here’s what happened…

At approximately 2:40 on Sunday afternoon I was headed to a baby shower.  I don’t have a lot of friends here (this isn’t my home town and I’m sort of an introvert, I told you about that here) and those I’m closest to have moved far away, so the opportunity to go meet and mingle with other women was very exciting to me. I even bought the baby shower gift far (about 4 days) in advance rather than on the way, that never happens. Its been sitting in our fancy new-to-us van just waiting to be given to the awesome new (for the 5th time) mom to be. PS She’s super awesome and you can find her blog here.

I finally got the baby to sleep and the bald man had the day off so he was going to watch the little man for me. My red head was at her dad’s house which meant I get to go all by myself (woo, hoo!).  I thought about taking our trusty old Matrix but it had been sitting in the driveway (a fact apparently easily forgotten) and it was over 110 degrees out and I didn’t want to show up a sweaty mess. So I jumped into the van.  I was not on my phone, nor was I messing with the radio or exuding any other distracting behavior.

I opened the garage door, threw it in reverse, and started to back out.  Then all of a sudden I heard a muffled CRASH!  “What was that?” I thought. I looked back and saw my poor little Matrix. For just a split second I wondered if any of my neighbors had seen what had just occurred.  I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t even get out of the van so I just beeped the horn until the bald one, who used to think so highly of me, came out.

He saw the damage and just looked at me. No words. Not a sound. Pure shock, I assume.  I got out and told him I backed into the car, as if he didn’t realize that already.

I stood there between the cars and started to cry because I could just see the dollar signs beginning to emerge, I could almost hear the “ching ching!” He just hugged me in silence. I was like the kid who realized what they had done and the parents felt too bad to punish them.

Oh, I should mention that earlier last week I noticed damage to our van, I thought we had been rear ended by the most petite and polite car ever because it only left this damage.

But, I knew from prior experience with my cute little Matrix, that those teeny scrapes can quickly turn into a lot more if not fixed. So we decided to just suck it up and take it in next week to get fixed.  We also realized that while the damage was done by something petite and polite, it was not a car. But rather my vanity we just bought the other day and obviously dragged  along the bumper in the move in/out.  Sure is an awesome piece of furniture though don’t ya think?

But anyways, back to the story.

Good thing we hadn’t taken the van in to the shop just yet since it now looks like this.

Made me feel slightly better that I only damaged the exact piece that was already damaged.

Two birds with one stone, right? Nope. And here’s why.

You should also know that about 4 years ago I rolled my Matrix into the babysitter’s house. Come to find out it is both very necessary to put your vehicle in park before vacating it and also to fix the teeny tiny scrapes or the paint will in fact peel.

If memory serves you well, you’ll remember that we were also attacked by a rogue deer the night we got fake engaged.   So needless to say, but our poor car has surely been showing her age as of late.

But wait, take a look to where I damaged the poor thing…exactly where it had already been damaged and nowhere else.

Nice.

Now I just needed to see how my insurance company was going to feel about the whole situation.

They called me back the first thing Monday morning and told me this happens all the time, I appreciate those kinds of lies.

They also told me that I cannot be both the victim and the one at fault.  So, I will need to pay our deductible on the van since I was at fault. However, since the Matrix is merely a victim in this situation, I am not responsible for paying for anything. Thank the Lord! We only have to pay slightly more than what we would’ve paid for the paint repair anyway.

You know what I call that?

THREE birds, ONE stone.

So Long Chubby!

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So I have 17lbs of pure fat to lose from my pregnancy. I use the “from my pregnancy” part loosely since I’ve actually already lost that true “baby weight.”  What I have left is the poundage I acquired in addition to “baby weight” during my pregnancy.  So I’ve begun this journey to get my body back to where it was before.

Things I’ve done thus far:

Went to the gym TWICE….about 6 weeks ago.

Did Couch to 5K with the bald man for 2 days.

Worked out using XBox Kinect 3 days.

And so far NO RESULTS, geesh what’s a girl got to do?!

Okay so since carving workout time into my schedule isn’t working, I’ve decided I need to watch my diet.

I added the My Fitness Pal app and I love it. I even added my sisters and a couple friends so we can be accountable to each other’s daily food diaries. I have learned some things since starting the app:

1. The Republic Burger, which isn’t even that big, is 1400 calories!  Too bad I was already eating when the waiter finally found out how many calories it was.

2. That one chocolate long john is 250 calories, AND that if you are brave enough to post that doughnut on your diary for all to see then you should definitely reward yourself with two more that you don’t have to post. 🙂

3. I have NO will-power other than to not keep bad foods in the house.

4. When the bald man brings bad foods into the house as a sweet gesture, I also have NO will-power to not eat them morning, noon and night.

5. Lemon meringue pie is actually NOT a filling breakfast.

6. However, ice cream with toppings actually is.

7. I can spy on what my sisters eat and I know that my baby sister had 4 margaritas for “dinner” the other night.

8. I know that my older-younger sister eats a lot of strawberries and almond milk.

All this has made me realize how TERRIBLE my eating habits are and that I need to make some changes.  I started this week by buying Kashi cereal and some almond milk.

The cereal didn’t taste bad, but it’s definitely not something I look forward to eating.

The almond milk is pretty much a no-go.  It’s not because it tastes bad either…it’s that I don’t understand it.  I’ve had milk plenty in my life and I have been known to snack on almonds from time to time as well.  So riddle me this….why is the almond milk slimy?  AND, why does it not soak into the cereal?  That doesn’t seem right at all!

I poured my bowl of cereal this morning…then the baby began to scream, so I calmed him down…decided he needed a fresh diaper so I changed it and got him dressed….when I came back to my cereal it looked like this

Why is this so-called “milk” just pooling on top of my cereal, why has it not soaked in yet???  Too weird, I couldn’t finish it…freaked me out too much.

So here’s what I’m thinking, I may just invite you guys along for the journey too.  You can comment and call me names and whatnot to keep me truckin’ along to get back in shape.

I’ll post some pics (EEEK!!!) and we’ll all see if I can make some sort of pathetic progress.  And although I can’t always clock in much exercise on my app, you better believe I mark off the 500 calories I burn each day for nursing the little man!

So here is a picture of me when I was 41 weeks pregnant with my 10lb (okay, 9lb 15oz AFTER he pooped) son.

 Yikes, I know!

And This is what I what I look like now

 Wait, What? You can’t see my body?  Haha, you didn’t think I was THAT crazy did you?

How bout we just go with…

I don’t look as good as this

But I surely look better than this

Not too bad, right?

Shout Out to the Bald Man

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Before he came home from work I received this

Then after about 20 minutes he came home with this

Ahhhh…. I know, he is so sweet!  The only downside was that the pie was way frozen from sitting in the grocery store cooler all day.  So I just scraped the slightly thawed edges and figured those calories don’t really count.  I mean afterall, when you eat cold stuff your body burns more calories digesting it…right?

Little man was pretty good all night, but I decided to bring him to bed with me in the early morning.  In the later early morning my little red headed love came in to ask me something. I remembered that I had totally forgotten to link up my blog earlier in the morning. Last week mine was number 4,382 (actually about 54, but it felt like much more!)

So in stealth mom mode I lifted myself ever so smoothly out of the bed without waking either of my boys up.  That’s when I realized it!  Though the bald man always says I “hog” the bed, I don’t!  I even took a picture to prove it.

You see that tiny little space between Sweet Baby-boy and The Bald Man? Yea, that’s MY spot….  Hog? hmmm, I think not.

Anyway, I got up and grabbed my breakfast and computer so I could link up to my fav blog before the rest of the world did.

Fruit, dairy and sorta bread….don’t judge.

Then my favorite guy got up and joined me in my breakfast. Actually I made him eat pie for two reasons:

1. So I can sincerely say, “Oh no, I didn’t eat it all myself.”

2. He could understand how light and fluffy it is and how when you really ate just a teeny bit, it looks as if you ate a lot more.

What a good husband!

Creeper Much?

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I decided to be productive today and clean out our garage before it becomes so overrun by spiders that I never go in there again.

Before I tell you more about my day’s productivity you should know that we’ve been dealing with these for the past few months.

Which pretty well freaks me out!

We could see where they were digging into our kitchen and I swear I didn’t stand in front of the oven for a week and wore shoes in the kitchen for the next month!

Also, we have had a little issue with these OUTSIDE of our house by the garage for the past two summers…

Yikes, I know!

So you can understand now why I may be a tad bit on edge when it comes to creepy creatures around our house.

Now lets go back to me being productive in the garage….

I pulled a storage tub from the wall and found a big mound of dirt which led directly to a huge silent scream!!!

Where did this come from?  Why are there holes burrowed in and out of it?!!  EEEEkkk!

I immediately called the bald man at work on his store phone to be sure to talk to him.  I explained the mound to him and he seemed less than concerned.  I said to him to put his arms out and touch the tips of his fingers and that’s how big the mound is.  He said “oh, just sweep it out…it probably just came from my dirt bike gear.”  What?! Um, no!  “How in the H-E- double-hockey-sticks would a pile of dirt fall off your riding gear?!”

Turns out the bald man was touching his finger tips AND his thumbs. I NEVER said to touch your thumbs…I wouldn’t call you about a sprinkling of dirt on the ground.  Maybe I should’ve told him to make his arms like a basketball hoop.  And since I didn’t have the mind enough to take a picture, you too should make a basketball hoop with with your arms so you can be on my team of  “freak out” and not my husband’s team of “what’s the big deal.”  Doing it? Good, now you understand the reason for the silent scream!

So I did what any brave, independent, I-used-to-live-in-the-ghetto, woman would.  I ran next door and beckoned the most beautiful lunch lady ever to come investigate my mystery dirt.  And of course she did, and cleaned it up for me since I wouldn’t get close to it.  Though only after she determined it was a

MOLE MOUND!  Luckily, the mole was not currently at home.

I decided that after all this stress I deserved a break…you know, it’s hard watching someone else do manual labor in your garage…

I came in and was happy to see my daytime love, Anderson Cooper, was on.  Then BAM, it happened! Right in front to me!  The creepiest creature to be seen in our house thus far.  It was just there, starring right back at me from the TV.

CREEPER!!!

Do they not screen for people before they put them in direct line with the camera?!

Just for the fun of it, here he is again.

Sleep well tonight my friends, knowing that all things creepy are apparently at our house.

Blueberry muffins, hold the berries…

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Early this morning my bald headed love rolled over and told me he wanted to make us waffles for breakfast.  I gave him a sweet smile of gratitude and informed him that we are out of Bisquick.  You see, this could be confusing for the bald man because every day he sees that big box of mix on top of the refrigerator and thinks “waffles sound delicious, perhaps I will make some.”  While every day I see that big box on top of the refrigerator and think “geez, I really need to throw away the big empty box.”

However, I told him about the Aldi’s fine quality blueberry muffin mix that is in fact in the pantry.

Being the gold star husband that he is, he jumps up…grabs the baby…gives him a couple good burps…and off he goes into the kitchen.

I start to smell the sweet aroma of artificially flavored yumminess.  Although, it turns out what I had envisioned  happening in the kitchen was actually not completely correct.

Here is what went down out there.

He started off quite nicely, I’m sure feeling pretty good about himself. Maybe even imagining him bringing me muffins in bed since he knows I had just gone to bed two hours earlier because I’m such an amazingly selfless mom and I took care of our baby who decided he was done sleeping at 4 AM and yet I still wake up so sexy and refreshed…trust me, I know exactly how he thinks.

He smells his amazing breakfast that he slaved over for us, pulls the muffin tin from the oven.  But, wait…these don’t look right….

Hmmm….what’s missing…surely I did it just as Paula Deen would.    He turns around and lo and behold on the counter he sees this!

Aldi’s 100% real and organic-nothing-like-pie-filling can of blueberries!   Woops

That’s correct people, not a single berry in my blueberry muffin.  And to top it off, as soon as they came out, my bald headed luvah realized the time and had to run out the door for work leaving me to eat my romantic breakfast alone on the couch in my underwear super cute and girly p.j.’s.

This of course reminded me of one of my favorite movies and that Meg Ryan might actually appreciate my husband’s take on blueberry muffins.

And because I love my husband and I know that one day we will be sweet old people sitting on the couch telling our story…I wanted to add this too.